Shy Smile Support Site for people with Social Challenges - How to Move Through Feelings of Loneliness

Loneliness can be an uncomfortable and cold feeling which many of us experience often, even when there are people around us. A feeling of disconnection is not a sign of failure, or proof that you will never have anyone to feel close to. You CAN change it, but it is likely to take some real effort to change and feel less alone.

Acceptance: There are steps you can take to help lose the alone feeling, but before you begin making changes, I always advise that you just take a little time to unwind and reflect on how you really feel right now. Loneliness is an uncomfortable emotion, and we naturally want to get rid of our uncomfortable feelings or stop focusing on them. Vitally, though, negative emotions are powerful learning tools. You are not flawed for feeling lonely, and, if you accept the feeling, it is not as uncomfortable as you fear it might be. Take a while to consider how your loneliness came about. Probably through self-holding and protecting your emotions in the past. If that’s the case, you might find that slow changes are necessary so that you push just a little beyond your comfort zone every day, rather than risking a general feeling of unsafety, if you push yourself too far all at once. Changes are bound to make you feel better in the long run, but they might feel scary at the outset, so think about gradual changes that will suit your individual needs. Being alone and feeling lonely are not the same. If you’ve carved a life for yourself which involves being alone, but you’re comfortable with it, then there’s no need to feel pressure to change from people who don't understand. The important thing is to develop for yourself a support system and make sure that you are available to friends and family. Keep your hands occupied and get a hobby If you already have a hobby, such as photography or sewing – something that seems solitary, look for groups and workshops where you can meet others interested in your craft. If you're not sure what might interest you, scour the local papers and your Hobbycraft store until you find a workshop, then join in as much as possible until you find something you enjoy doing. Connect So often, when we’re submerged in that feeling of being substandard and lonely, we discount many of our choices. We forget that we could pick up the phone and call others, instead of waiting them to phone us. Stop being a victim to cir*****stance and social anxiety. Let your mind consider everyone you know and people you have lost touch with. It is natural, when you’re feeling down, to think certain people you long to spend time with, wouldn't want to hear from you. Think again – most people without social phobia, love to hear from someone out of the blue – especially someone they haven’t spoken to in a while. Try contacting them and making plans to meet up, then make eye contact, notice the scenery and décor, and focus on facts rather than feelings. Make a list of possible contacts, just in case the first doesn't go as planned. Think of old friends, too. Connect and communicate, and assess what percentage of the call or meeting went ok - slowly you'll start to feel better. If you don’t know anyone, then reach out to people you don't know via the website. Cheer someone else up (or on) There is no greater way to boost your self-esteem than by helping others on a voluntary basis. Volunteering to moderate in the chat room for an hour a week, or posting on the forums in reply to a message is a hugely valuable way to boost your self-worth. Volunteering to visit people in nursing homes or hospitals is also a good way to push through your social anxiety, or ask your local social services if you can befriend a child in care. One of the shyest people on the website volunteered to help out in a nursery for two hours a week: she really loves it and has made lots of friends. If you're still having problems handling the feelings of isolation which go with shyness and particularly if it is making you feel depressed, contact our therapists about it by using the Feedback Form on this website. Talking about it may help you overcome a lot of the anxiety which goes with your shyness, and come up with innovative methods to express yourself. We also offer online coaching to help you overcome your shyness and you can enquire about this by using our Feedback form. (Just click Feedback on the left hand menu and type your message, which will reach one of our therapists).