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Humour: Trisha the Trichster in the Great Eyeshadow Eclipse
Posted on Monday, December 23 @ 02:14:25 GMT by Neomie |
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New, for Christmas, it's our very own laugh a minute teaster. Anyone want to volunteer to illustrate it?
Wotcha folks. I’m Trisha the Trichster. You know this is soooooo not what I wanted for Christmas : Four extra pounds of weight on my left hip and seven on my right. I mean, how does that happen? What is it … the Christmas Fairy’s idea of a sick joke? And have you noticed they just don’t make lop-sided ball dresses? What is the meaning of that? Has everyone in Leamington Spa got two hips the same or what? What are they – freaks?
Aaaaarrrrrgggghhh.
It’s like what am I supposed to wear for Nick’s Company’s Christmas Ball, for heaven’s sake? It’s not like I can go in my leotard and tights … which is shame really, because I never did get much wear out of them on account of I bought them for pilates and wimped right out before the first class. I never was too hot on physical exercise and now they make those big knickers with the push-you-in-panel there’s just no point puffin and pantin and getting all perspirey now is there.
I wonder if they make lop-sided push-you-in-pants? Do you think they do?
Being a trichster, though, the BEST thing about Christmas Balls is you can wear your hair in the most outrageous up-do without anyone asking if you’ve joined the Marge Simpson fan-club. I’ve always wanted to wear this season’s wet-look eyeshadows … well, I say always wanted to but of course I’ve only wanted to since the beginning of this season when Taramar Palma Salata sported a bright orange one at the opening of Big Brother’s Auntie Vie’s handbag … I bought seven pots of the blasted stuff. I love buying make-up. Every weekend I’m straight down the High Street, buying slap. Never wear the stuff … never get an opportunity and NOW when I have an opportunity to wear one of the latest wet-look eyeshadows from my very extensive collection on my dressing table (why do they call them that – it’s not like you stand on them to get dressed so … like, WHY?), yeah, anyway … now that I have an opportunity to wear the wet-look killer eyeshadow, I can’t because there isn’t a glue in the world that will stick false eyelashes to them. Have you noticed that? It’s like sticking the bloody tax disk to your windscreen … slides straight off down the swanny.
And it’s not like you discover this until it’s too late, is it? Last Saturday night at the Palais my mate goes “Trisha, why have you only got one tassle?” and lo and behold I looks down to see my eyelash bonding beautifully to my bosom. I mean how’re you sposed to look drop-dead gorgeous like that? It ain’t never gonna ‘appen is it?
Anyway look, it’s been great but you know I just don’t have time for gossip for the mo, what with the search for the lopsided ballgown and the great eyeshadow eclipse, so I’m off down the shops and I’ll ketchup wiv yer next month, awight?
Seezya later guys.
Trish.
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Article Rating
Average Score: 2.42
Votes: 7
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